Sunday, February 15, 2009

"It seems like it's the season for birthdays and we are no exception we celebrated Elijah's 5th birthday last Saturday, Julie Francesca and I along with out close friends spent some time down at the cemetery with Elijah -it was a nice time to talk and share and reflect and pray.

We then came back to our house for Roast Pork veges etc and yummy custard and almond birthdaycake that I made. We finished the evening with watching some videos of Elijah and praying -I opened my
first ever bottle of mead - which went down really well.

Lots of people wrote me/us and offered prayer and good thoughts and encouragements - thanks to all of you who also secretly accompany us on the journey. - wonderful words like "Elijah definately "lives on" through your love" - "
I know your parents miss you very much.Through there love even those of us who did not have the privilage of knowing you in person know you in spirit." - "I can only imagine how beautiful "Happy Birthday" is sung by the angels in heaven"

I wanted to share will you all something I wrote in response to one of the emails some may have read some of this before - but this is is thejourney of how I get through

There is so so much to be thankful for this day – sure it had it’s time of tear but also it’s times of tremendous – joy – how proud I am of my son.

It’s three things most of all that have helped me and given me and our family courage on the journey

First is faith, outside of the context of faith I so would have struggled with this journey And with Elijah’s death and yet I know that God walks close, not because I have chosen to be close but because He has chosen to be close to me, you know in the hours before Elijah’s death was walking up and down outside the hospital and I was praying like Jesus in the Garden of GethsemaneFather if possible take this cup from me “I know that you keep the world spinning and nothing happens apart from you”(my words) I know you have the power to restore all bodily function to Elijah and what a testimony and witness that would be– but not my will but yours be done – not that it was God that took Elijah’s life – but rather I give up wanted I want to happen and allow whatever you permit to happen. I felt a profound pain in my guts and I said Father God what is this that I feel – and I heard a voice – audible – or even speaking in my head that said “Darren, I know your pain, and your anguish, I too watched my only son die, so that he might yet rise again to glory” This was the voice of a loving Father who KNEW what I was journeying through and KNEW my pain, and KNEW my journey and journeyed with me in the pain. I said “ Lord though you slay me yet will I praise you" – the words from the biblical old testament prophet and I also declared – "Lord you give and Lord you take away Blessed be your name ! "I would rather know God and struggle with issues of his Sovereignty and why he allows things to happen than not be in relationship – the alternative is darkness and despair.

The second is Hope, I know because of my relationship with God and because of Elijah’s’ relationship with God his life has not changed, it has ended, whilst his bodily life is now ended, He lives on in eternity with God, and prays for me and for others and enjoys the presence of God all the time. From that place I have a powerful intercessor and someone who encourages Me and inspires me everyday to live life. There are some words from a document about hope that Pope Benedict XVI wrote in 2008 which deeply impacted me about hope he wrote ……

"Man needs God, otherwise he remains without hope … a personal God governs the stars…here we have no lasting city, but we week the city which is to come Heb 13:14 Heaven is not empty, God is the foundation of hope; not any god but the God who has a human face, It is not the laws of matter and of evolution that have the final say, but reason will love: a person. Faith draws the future into the present, so that it is no longer simply a not yet….. This real life, towards which we try to reach out again and again, is linked to a lived union with “people” …It presupposes that we escape from the prison of our “I”…… the fact that his future exists change the present……:the night is almost over, the day is at hand (Romans 13:12)….. All of these words are wonderfully captured in the video clip here from you tube

The words to the music at the end are – I know that the night must end and that the sun will rise repeated…

…some days in the really dark times and sill now in the dark times I watched this clip or listened to the audio over and over again – to remind myself that there is hope I know that the dark will flee and that the sun will shine (there was one day listened to nothing but this all day – reminding myself of truth. I look forward to embracing my son and in fact I long for that day like a heartache, such is also my longing for not so much this life but lift my eyes to the life yet to come, such that no eye has ever seen nor has any ear heard nor has it ever entered into the heart of man, the things that God has prepared for those who love him. I live with HOPE.

The third is and you may have guessed it already and that is Love. Knowing that God loves me and shows me and reminds me everyday of the big ways and the small ways He loves me – in Jesus or in the canvas of the universe with which he places that stars or paints me a sunset, and stirs my spirit. I know love through the actions of my wife Julie and my daughter Francesca, I know and experience love from those who accompany me on this Journey of pain suffering, and anguish, through the darkness and into the light into the darkness, those who have prayed and asked the Lord to pour out his grace on me. I know love from the little note of encouragement and emails I received specially in response to blog entries, or just note from people who say I don’t know what to say – but I wanted to email you and tell you that anyway (he chuckles) the love I experience like yourself who journey with me, I am truly grateful for how the Father (God) arranged for me to receive hugs from little or growing boys when I need them and that sometimes I find myself betwixt by other children angelman syndrome their smile and their vocalisations – the language that I understand, which moves my heart – I might not understand with my head, but I have given up trying.

So with the Love surrounding my Hope and my Faith, Journey on each day, after each day.

Peace be with you and yours



1 comment:

lil 1/2 pint said...

Happy 5th birthday, Elijah. Our family sends you lots and lots of Angel love.

You are often in our thoughts.