Thursday, September 18, 2008

One of the things that has occurred to me since I last wrote, about what I wrote is the revelation is that God is near not far and that the time or space between this world and eternity is but a thin veil. The Tiune God – Father, Son and Holy Spirit are not far away and distant but rather intimately close. Closer that you or I might realise or comprehend. In the midst of my trevail, my pain and suffering there was my God, above below and in the midst of my circumstances, in the midst of my life.

Recently I was sharing with someone and found myself reminded of a desire I voice not long after Elijah went to the Lord. That was that I didn’t want to forget what it was like to hold Elijah and to feel him close to me. In a way I voiced this as a prayer, and it only occurred to me when my nephews visited this past weekend how the Lord the Father of compassionate heard my inmost yearnings and answered my prayer.

For a week or so before this last weekend my sister Bernadette who lives in Dunedin said she was planning to come to Christchurch for a business training conference for two days and I told her as always she was welcome to stay with us. In the last 10 days before her arrival she asked if it was ok to bring her two sons to stay as well. We had visited with them in Dunedin – 4/5 hours drive south of Christchurch, last Christmas. The last time they stayed with us was when Elijah went to the Lord, they were with us during this time and stayed a number of days with us. Mitchell my oldest nephew is 3 days older than my daughter Francesca and Logan is about 8 months younger than Elijah. And so it was they arrived on the Friday night and whilst their Mum attended the training conference they were part of our family. It didn’t take long for Francesca and Mitchell to strike up where they had last left of and in some ways Logan was on his own. This was not to say they didn’t include him in their play – but…. I was fascinated that he gravitated to Elijah’s toys and not just any but his favourite ones. This really touched me and so I engaged in helping him finding the balls for the toys and switching the noise on. This was Logan, but I was also seeing Elijah speaking to me through Logan’s actions. This was not to be all. On the Sunday we took the kids out to the Christchurch Arts Centre and also to the park. I can’t remember exactly the circumstances – but Logan fell and hurt himself, and I immediately felt that fatherly instinct kick and I scooped down to pick him and cuddle him. Tears in his eyes and head nestled into my neck he calmed. I asked him if he wanted to walk or for me to carry him – he indicated the later and for about 15 minutes I enjoyed the blessing of his embrace. Thanks be to God he knows us and hears us.

until next time

Tuesday, September 09, 2008

Here's video clip of Elijah on the beach at Akaraoa in January 2007 - he is in his element in the water at the beach.

I guess my only regret is not having more footage like this I do like to watch Elijah in actionit keeps me in touch with him. One of my biggest fears has been forgetting what it felt like to hug him, or to kiss him, or what he sounds like.

I did dream of Elijah recently - we were in the hospital and he woke up and said to me " dad don't worry I'm not dead, I'm alive and well - don't worry about me - I was so exicted and said to him son what shall we do - we had to return your new bed" he responded " don't worry about me dad I'll be alright" and that was the end of the dream because i was stirred by Francesca climbing into our bed. It ws so fabulous to hear his voice - his speech was clear and I understood him and he understood me. I am thankful for this experience and interaction with him.

Peace - unti next time

Friday, September 05, 2008

August continued in September

I asked the Lord and I heard the words of my Father in heaven say deep into my spirit "I too know what it's like to watch my son suffer die, that he might rise to new life" This resounded in me - amidst my turmoil - my Father knew the pain knew the journey - he knows me and my son is more precious to Him than he is to me. This reminded me of this picture

The last thing I wanted to share is that in the last minutes of Elijah's life he sat in my arms surrounded by Julie, Francesca, our close friends Bernard and Andre'a R Miles and the medical staff. They turned off all monitoring equipment and over 30 minutes they turned down the ventilator keeping Elijah alive - in the last 10 minutes all we could do was pray as Elijah was preparing to go. When the machine was switched off - Elijah had breathed his last, and was not still. The medical staff removed the ventilator tube from his mouth and remove the tape from around his mouth and washed his face and removed the many connections he had. I stroked his hair and cradled his lifeless body close to me - I stood up from the chair and wrapped his arms around my neck - his head resting on my shoulder - this was one hug that he couldn't fight - into my mind came the maternal word's " I too held the body of my lifeless son" These were the words of Mary, mother of Jesus, Mother of God - I knew also that she was closed to me. This scene is so beautifully captured by the Pieta - by Michelangelo.

These days around leading up to and around Elijahs' death were a profound spiritual experience for me. Revelations of who God is and of his great love and care - the Heart of the Father.

Till soon