I feels like ages since I wrote and in fact is has been six weeks. I had the intention to post several time before now,but jus haven't quite managed to do so.
The firs things i would like to share with you is a video clips Elijah tha wa used at the family vigil we held the night before Elijah's funeral. I was put together by my best mate. It is one of three clips that were shown and i have been working on trying to extract the other two from a DVD. I have posted it on the Youtube site.
It's been quite an emotional journey these last couple of months. In September I got to the point where my brain wasn't functioning well and I noticed this most at work and I had not been sleeping so well either - was just not myself. . I went to the Doctor and ended up taking two weeks off work. I also went to see a counsellor for 3 sessions. In all I was off work for two weeks - which was great and did me a world of good. At the counsellor we recognised several things that had contributed to how I ws feeling. One of these was accumulated stress from the time prior to Elijah's death that was still draining from system, the sheer physical impact that reults from greiving Elijah's passing, the recent anniversary in August, the strained and sitant relationship I have with my Dad and the pressure of work as well. I spent good portions of the counselling talking about Elijah and crying. Funny how going and finding that the defences were down and i just opened up and she listened and shared reflections back to me as well. It was helpful to see that I was still in the midst of the pain of the grief and loss of Elijah. I lerned that in darkensss there is rest as well as turmoil; and pain. I have been blessed to have been touched by a number of angels recently there are some little boys out there that smile at me like Elijah smiled and one last weekend that hugged me like Elijah did. I was comforted by Tobias and his hug and wiggliness and desire to pull off my glasses, ministered to my soul on my journey.
I found myself drawn to Elijah's toys on after lunch and before going to a church meeting. Just sitting hold one of his shoes, and then gently playing with some of his favorite toys. I sat in the conservatory with the sun streaming through and Francesca whispered to me "I wish Elijah was still here ! I wish he was too I replied and we both played for some time. Here are some of Elijah's favorite toys. Pictures still to be uploaded - and this post continued